The Worst Valentine's Day Gifts of 216
- Really Terrible Valentine's Day Gifts
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The Worst Valentine's Day Gifts of 2016
Waiting til the last minute to find the perfect Valentine's Day gift? Don't get stressed out. If you do, you might find yourself getting confused and buying a terribly misguided present! Here is ShopInPrivate.com's annual list of presents you shouldn't buy for your lover, lest you never want to see them again. These are gifts you could buy with good intentions, but that will put you in the doghouse faster than you can say, "nipple bleach." ShopInPrivate.com is known for offering people the ability to shop in private for embarrassing items. This year, to save you embarrassment, we created a list of Valentine's Day gifts to avoid.
Worst Valentine's Day Gifts for Women
Vagacare Weights - These vaginal weights tone her pelvic floor to make her vagina tighter. While this will result in more pleasure for her, insinuating she has a loose vagina is not the best the best Valentine's Day sentiment.
Candy Heart Butt Plug - We get it. It looks like a V-Day Conversation Heart. It's as cute as a butt plug can be. But here's the thing: it's still something that goes in her butt. And that, my friends, is not Valentine's Day material.
Comfortably Numb Blowjob Spray - Maybe she looks really uncomfortable during blow jobs, but it's best not to call attention to this fact, ever.
Nipple Lightening Cream - Even if she thinks her nipples are too dark, you don't think her nipples are too dark. Repeat: Do not agree with anything bad she says about her body. Otherwise you'll end up alone after Valentine's Day, watching Love Actually, crying into your ice cream.
Anal Sex Relaxing Spray - This organic spray claims to relax her asshole. Here's the thing: it's 2016. We all know you should be doing that with your tongue.
Worst Valentine's Day Gifts for Men
Scroguard Pelvic Condom - You know, maybe a little gift basket with condoms in it would be cute for Valentine's Day. That says, "I like having sex with you and I want to do it more often." The Scroguard covers his entire pelvis. It says, "Don't ever touch with me with any of your hideous skin, thank you."
New Moon Anal Bleach - Never insinuate you want to see more of his butthole. If you do, you will never see the end of his butthole.
Epic Performance Enhancer - Never get him anything that suggests his current performance isn't epic. It will take you until next Valentine's Day to mend his broken ego.
A Subtle Butt - This Valentine's Day, you might be tempted to get him something that draws attention to his flatulence problem. But save that for a less romantic holiday, like Christmas.
The New Comer's Strap On - He has been bugging you to try new things sexually. We can 99% guarantee he didn't mean a dildo in his butt. If you do get him the New Comer's Strap On, make sure to put it in a gift basket with a bottle of whiskey, a handkerchief, and something really manly, like a football.
Those are some pretty bad Valentine's Day presents. Regardless, business is booming at ShopInPrivate.com. People enjoy buying all sorts of items in our private environment.
About ShopInPrivate.com
ShopInPrivate.com sells anything that would be embarrassing to buy in the store or pharmacy. If you have an embarrassing condition that needs attention, you can shop in private for a cure at ShopInPrivate.com. The purchase will be easy, delivery will be fast, and we hold your personal information in the strictest of confidence. We just want you to remember that some items are best purchased for oneself.
Tom Nardone the President of ShopInPrivate.com is available for questions, comments or conversations at 1-800-809-0610.