215 Worst V-Day Gifts

Stressed out about finding the perfect Valentine's Day gift? Don't let the stress of the holiday get to you. If it does, you might find yourself getting confused and accidentally buying a horrible present! Here is ShopInPrivate.com's annual list of horrible presents: the things that you might buy thinking you are doing your lover a favor, but that will probably land you in the doghouse for months.

ShopInPrivate.com is known for offering people the ability to shop in private for embarrassing items. This year, to save you embarrassment, we created a list of Valentine's Day gifts to avoid.

Worst Valentine's Day Gifts for Women

The Sexually Confident Wife - This book says, "Hey, wifey, not only are you timid, but you're kind of a dead fish. Having sex with you is a drag. Could you please work on that?" Not the best Valentine's Day sentiment.

After Spanking Cream - After Spanking Cream is a cream you apply to soothe her bum after rough spankings. Most women look down upon gifts that imply they need to be beaten before they use them.

Insane Lube - This lube makes it feel like there's a finger moving inside her. How about you, I don't know, put your finger inside her instead? You lazy motherfucker.

Pink Privates Lightening Cream - "Honey, your asshole is aging badly." Yeah, no woman wants one more cosmetic concern, especially when it comes to the color of her privates. If you want an unrealistically pink vagina, you can buy one here at ShopInPrivate.com.

Anal Sex Relaxing Spray - This organic spray claims to relax her asshole. Here's the thing: it's 2015. We all know you should be doing that with your tongue.

Worst Valentine's Day Gifts for Men

Bacon Flavored Edible Lubricant - Sure, he loves bacon, but do you really want him slathering it on your most precious intimate areas? Next thing you know, he'll be eating a ham and cheese down there. Don't instigate this downward spiral.

A Shaver for His Balls - I get it. You want him to shave his balls. We want him to shave his balls. Flossing your teeth with pubes just never feels right. But this is more of a gag birthday gift, than one for your extra special Valentine.

Masturbation Cream - Never, ever, ever get him anything that says, "Hey, I'm cool with it if you masturbate more." You will never, ever see him again.

A Small Penis Extender - This Valentine's Day, you might be tempted to get him something so sentimental it makes him cry. Be careful not to get him something so devastating it makes him cry.

The New Comer's Strap On - He has been bugging you to try new things sexually. We can 99% guarantee he didn't mean a dildo in his butt. If you do get him the New Comer's Strap On, make sure to put it in a gift basket with a bottle of whiskey, a handkerchief, and something really manly, like a football.

Those are some pretty awful Valentine's Day presents. Regardless, business is booming at ShopInPrivate.com. People enjoy buying all sorts of items in our private environment.

About ShopInPrivate.com

ShopInPrivate.com sells anything that would be embarrassing to buy in the store or pharmacy. If you have an embarrassing condition that needs attention, you can shop in private for a cure at ShopInPrivate.com. The purchase will be easy, delivery will be fast, and we hold your personal information in the strictest of confidence. We just want you to remember that some items are best purchased for oneself.

Tom Nardone the President of ShopInPrivate.com is available for questions, comments or conversations at 1-800-809-0610.