The Ultra Douche - For an Ultra Douche
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Weight = (9.0)oz. Shipping Info
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- Ultra Douche
- Kind of speaks for itself
- You know who it's for
The Ultra Douche is the perfect thing to send to, well... you know. Someone who will see it as a self-portrait. ShopInPrivate.com's Revenge products let you anonymously get your payback.
Life is full of assholes, bitches, bastards, shitheads, dumbfucks, and jerks of all kinds. With so many people making your life miserable in so many ways, you might even feel compelled to start up an award show for douchebaggery. Justin Bieber could be the presenter, and Kanye West could interrupt him partway through, and there could be categories like “Most Unreasonable Demand From A Superior” and “Sleaziest Move By A Romantic Partner.” But at the end of the night, it would all come down to the one final category, the “Best Picture” of bitches and bastards. We’re talking, of course, about the one, the only... The Ultra Douche!
You know who we’re talking about. Sure, there are probably lots of people who piss you off on a daily basis. But then there’s that one special breed of asshole, that one guy or girl who has royally screwed you over with such vigor and careless abandon that you have trouble believing they’re even a human being with any sense of empathy at all. And when you take a closer look at them, you realize, from their round bulbous shape to the strangely-spaced holes on their head, they’re not human after all. They’re an Ultra Douche. And it’s about time you let them know that, because somebody has to.
It might not be the most outright embarrassing item we offer for revenge, but the effect of the Ultra Douche goes far beyond mere humiliation. You want to send a message that strikes into the very core of their being. Their douchey, douchey being. When they receive this in the mail, they’re not going to think, “Oh, someone cares about the cleanliness of my colon!” They’re going to think, “Yep, that’s me.” If they’re particularly good at denying and repressing any kind of humanity they once had, they might even be proud of it. What an Ultra Douche.
When you order this item, we’ll send it to whomever you choose, wherever you choose, with no indication of who sent it to them. We’ll only ever reveal your identity if ordered to by a subpoena. ShopInPrivate.com’s Revenge products are the best way to get back at someone cheaply, effectively, and anonymously.