The Defecating Device Enema From China

How many times has this happened to you: you’re shopping for an enema, when suddenly, you lock eyes with a hose, nozzle or syringe that you know at first sight to be everything you’ve ever dreamed of. The Rolls Royce of enemas. The Emperor of Irrigation. But then you start to read the packaging, and a horrifying realization dawns on you: it’s far, far too easy to understand. It’s a totally straightforward step-by-step process. And that simply won’t do. A quest as noble and righteous as cleaning out your butt should not be so easily fulfilled; it should be a veritable Herculean task. Without a little strife and struggle, that feeling of a clean anus wouldn’t be nearly so satisfying.

Well, if you’ve been looking to add a new level of challenge to your colonic irrigations, you’re in luck. The Defecating Device will leave you as puzzled as you are pooped. Brought to you straight from China, its packaging contains a mere three English phrases: “Defecating Device,” “Four Characteristics,” and “Good Life Began!” You might think, “Well, surely there will be an English section of the instructions, even if it’s broken English.” Nope. Not a word.

The box does, however, feature a caucasian family smiling very awkwardly, so that’s something, I guess. But aside from their approving and highly disconcerting gazes, you’re left totally on your own to figure out what the various buttons on the device do, how to attach the included hose, or what the proper care for such a device is. But how hard can that be, really? It’s just shooting water up your butt, it’s not rocket science. We wish you the best of luck, brave enema explorer.