Okay, ladies and gentlemen, I think we can all agree that anyone who has sex with men on a regular basis is kind of a super hero. Dicks just aren’t the most pleasant things in the world to have to interact with, and somehow, men have come up with every imaginable way to make dealing with them even less pleasant. No judgment there, and I’m not saying dicks can’t be good for some things too; it’s just an objective fact that they’re kind of gross and men like to use them for gross things. And probably one of the grossest is deep throat blowjobs. Like, I’m sorry, you want me to put that so far into my mouth that it might trigger my gag reflex? Uhhh, thanks but no thanks?
Yet those of us who like to sleep with men do it anyways, day in and day out, never ceasing our vigilant and self-sacrificing crusade. In our unending string of superheroic feats performed for the sake of love or lust, we must repeatedly do battle with our arch-nemesis, The Deep Throat. And in a battle as fierce as that, a superhero can use all the help they can get. Don’t you think it would be useful to have a utility belt full of specialized weapons and powers designed to take down the demon that is going down?
Fear not, brave heroes: that utility belt is here at last. With the Better BJ Kit by your side, you’ll be the Batman of Blowjobs. The Better BJ Kit comes with a whole host of gadgets and gizmos that make giving head more pleasurable for him and, more importantly, less painful and easier for you.
This kit includes:
- Strawberry-flavored oral sex lotion that tastes great for you and feels great for him
- Spearmint-flavored numbing spray that numbs your mouth and throat to make deep throating easier
- 3 Packs of fizzy popping blowjob candy that adds exciting sensations and comes in three flavors (cherry, strawberry, and green apple)
- An inflatable knee cushion so you won’t bruise your knees kneeling on the floor
- A bib that says “Target Practice” that he can aim at to reduce the messy clean-up
- A double-sided oral sex “How To” guide full of tips and tricks
Armed with such an extensive arsenal of oral aids, next time you face the super villain Deep Throat in battle, you better believe it’s going down.
Lotion Ingredients: Glycerin, Water, Propylene Glycol, Flavor, Hydroxyethylcellulose, Sodium Benzoate, Potassium Sorbate, Tetrasodium EDTA, Sucralose, Sodium Citrate, Propylparaben, Methylparaben, Citric Acid, Red 40
Numbing Spray Ingredients: SD Alcohol 38-B, Glycerin, Purified Water, Natural & Artificial Flavors, Sodium Saccharin, Benzocaine, Sodium Benzoate, Potassium Sorbate, Blue 1, Yellow 5
Popping Candy Ingredients: Sugar, Corn Syrup, Citric Acid, Lactic Acid, Lactose, Artificial Colors (Red 40, Blue 1, and/or Yellow 5)
These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent disease.